On the Rocks Read online

  On The Rocks

  Jared Paakaula

  For my Aunty Denise, our beautiful butterfly.

  This book is also dedicated to my Hawaiian people,

  my local Hawaii people and my people of the

  LGBT+ community all over the world.

  Acknowledgments

  First of all, I have to thank my partner in this life, my love, Drexten. Thank you for being so patient with me through this long journey of writing my first book. I thank the Universe for you every single day.

  Thank you to my mom, who has supported me through my craziest of ideas and dreams, especially this one. Your edits in this book were the final touches needed to truly feel complete.

  Thank you to my cousin, Michelle, my first best friend and my continued support system in this strange thing we call LIFE.

  Thank you to my friend, Malia Tippets, for taking time out of your busy schedule and offering me some great edits and suggestions.

  Thank you to my grammar genius, Cortney Silva, who I would text at all hours of the day and night, just to see if a sentence needed a comma or a word needed to be capitalized.

  Thank you to my book cover creator/designer, pixelstudio. Thank you for your amazing creation.

  (Find them at: www.fiverr.com/pixelstudio)

  Thank you to Amazon KDP, for without which, this story would never have been able to truly come alive and get out into the real world. I am so grateful for the ease and thought put into your process for first time self-publishers.

  Finally, thank you to YOU! Thank you for picking up this book and giving a little Hawaiian boy a chance. I hope this story resonates with you no matter where in the world you may be from.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  Table of Contents

  1. Bloody Mary

  2. Hello Kitty

  3. Scooby Snack

  4. Part-Time Lover

  5. Old Fashioned

  6. POG Mimosa

  7. STP (Sweet Tight Pussy)

  8. Trash Can

  9. Blow Job

  10. B-52

  11. Key Lime Pie

  12. Three Wise Men

  13. Fish Bowl Punch

  14. Cosmopolitan

  15. AMF (Adios Mother Fucker)

  16. Mai Tai

  17. Love Potion

  18. Surfer on Acid

  19. Hot Toddy

  20. Black & Tan

  21. Lava Flow

  22. Buttery Nipple

  23. Cherry Bomb

  24. Liquid Marijuana

  25. Hawaiian Iced Tea

  26. Dark and Stormy

  27. Bay Breeze

  28. Sex on the Beach

  29. Blue Hawaii

  30. Li Hing Mui Margarita

  31. Four Horsemen

  32. Tequila Sunrise

  On

  The

  Rocks

  1. Bloody Mary

  - 1 1/2 oz Vodka

  - 2 oz Tomato Juice

  - 1 tsp Worcestershire Sauce

  - 3 dashes Tabasco

  - 1 pinch Salt

  - 1 dash Black Pepper

  - 1/4 tsp Lemon Juice

  - 1 stalk Celery

  The sun has just set on a Friday night in Hawaii, marking the beginning of the weekend. There’s a little bit of pink left in the sky and rush hour traffic, while still present, is finally thinning out. Businessmen and executive women head home to their families as the day comes to a close, while others get ready for their night shifts.

  In a bedroom, an alarm blares from a cell phone on a nightstand. It has been going off for thirty minutes. On the bed, Kaleo (pronounced Ka-LAY-ō) sleeps naked, flat on his stomach, with his nice plump butt facing the heavens. His dirty black hair is a mess and his naturally tanned skin was glowing just before the sun went down.

  Still single and having just turned thirty, Kaleo has been questioning himself as to why his dreams are still just that, dreams. He questions why he’s still a bartender and not the owner of his own bar. Feeling frustrated and lonely, Kaleo drinks to drown the heaviness of reality.

  The alarm has now been going off for thirty-four minutes. When he is finally conscious enough to hear the alarm, Kaleo’s head starts to throb immediately. He grunts with irritation. He reaches for his phone with what looks like a possessed left arm, while the rest of his body is in the exact same position. Once he finds his phone on the nightstand, he snoozes his alarm and lies in bed half awake.

  He opens his right eye to peek and see where he is; he had one hell of a night last night. He realizes that he is home and he’s proud of himself for that. Based on his almost dark room, Kaleo’s brain registers that it’s after dusk. Instantly he thinks, What time is it?! He sits up in a panic, scrambles around looking for a clock, then finally finds his phone which displays 7:14pm.

  “SHIT!” Kaleo shouts. He’s late for work. Other than the owner, Kaleo is the only one with a key to Violet, Honolulu’s hottest and trendiest gay nightclub. Being the lead bartender, it’s his responsibility to open the club and organize the staff’s duties for the night.

  “Shit, shit, shit, shit…” Kaleo keeps muttering as he runs around the room trying to find clean clothes. He’s still a bit dizzy from the shots he took last night. He runs into the bathroom, gargles some mouthwash and splashes some water on his face. He looks at himself in the mirror and says, “You’re in deep shit” and thinks to himself, God, I look like shit.

  He runs back to the bedroom, grabs his keys and his phone off the nightstand, then runs out the door, completely unaware that he has forgotten his wallet.

  2. Hello Kitty

  - 3/4 oz Watermelon Puckers

  - 3/4 oz Sour Apple Puckers

  - 1/2 oz Cranberry Juice

  - Float of Bacardi 151

  *Shake and serve as a shot

  In the bathroom, Ashley studies herself in the mirror. She’s a small, local Hawaiian girl, with a little bit of chub left on her mid-region from having two kids. Just about ready to go, she makes sure every hair is in place and her C-cup boobs are pushed up nice and tight giving the illusion that they’re D-cups. She applies her favorite strawberry flavored lip gloss to her full lips as her five year old daughter, Zaysha, runs into the bathroom.

  “Mommy, I can’t sleep,” Zaysha says in a whiny, but cute voice. She’s wearing her pink Hello Kitty pajamas that’s one size too big.

  “Go back to bed, baby,” Ashley encourages gently.

  “But it’s Friday, why do I have to go to bed so early?” Zaysha asks, while seating herself on the closed toilet seat lid. She’s still small enough that her legs hang like she’s on a swing set, never touching the floor.

  “Because you have a big day tomorrow, remember?” Ashley replies.

  “No, my performance is next week, remember?” Zaysha counters mockingly.

  “Yeah, but you have a rehearsal tomorrow morning, remember? Plus, Grandma doesn’t wanna hang out with you!”

  “Yes she does! She always lets me watch TV with her 'til I fall asleep,” Zaysha accidentally admits.

  “Oooh she does, does she?” The kids know that once the sun is down, it’s time to brush their teeth, head to bed and absolutely no TV. “Well, I’m gonna have to have a talk with Grandma now, aren’t I?”

  Zaysha’s eyes widen realizing that she just got her grandma into trouble. “Oops.” For a second, she stares at her mom with her big doe eyes and then runs laughingly into the kitchen where her Grandma is making herself something to eat.

  Ashley chases Zaysha to the kitchen in
a fun cat-mouse kind of way. In a tattle-tale type of voice, Ashley mocks “I’m gonna tell Grandma you told on her…”

  In the Kitchen, Ashley’s mom, Grace, is making two plates of shoyu chicken and rice; one for herself and one for her husband. Zaysha runs up to her grandma and hugs her legs, trying to hide from her mom, who is just on her tail.

  “So I hear somebody is letting Zaysha stay up past her bedtime when I go to work?” Ashley says sarcastically as she walks up to her mother, raising one eyebrow.

  Grace looks down at Zaysha, who is looking up at her. Hugging her legs even tighter now, Zaysha lips the word “Sorry.”

  Grace smiles at her granddaughter and then looks sharply at Ashley. Her smile instantly vanishes, “Eh! You live in my house, you live by my rules!” Grace says sternly, then with an easier tone responds, “Plus, she doesn’t even last an hour.”

  Ashley smiles. She knows her mom is right. Count your blessings, Ash, she thinks to herself. With prices in Hawaii constantly on the rise, living with parents or other relatives can often seem like the only affordable way to stay in the islands. While Ashley has been fortunate enough, some other Hawaiian families have not had such luck. Having been priced out of their own native land, many locals have had to move away to seek cheaper costs of living.

  “Thanks for watching the kids, Mom.” Ashley kisses her mom on the cheek.

  “Of course baby. I love my grandchildren! And, it’s only easy anyway. She’ll be passed out in a bit and your son is already in la-la land, so my job is basically done.”

  In the Living Room, Ashley’s dad, Bruce, and her boyfriend, Malu (pronounced MUH-loo), sit on the couch watching a UFC fight on TV; both with their shirts off, both with a bottle of Heineken in their hand. Her son, Zaysten, is cuddled up next to Ashley’s dad, completely knocked out as if he just got K.O.-ed in the UFC fight himself.

  “BABE!” Ashley exclaims.

  “What?” Malu replies and looks up at Ashley confused.

  “We have to leave! You said that you were ready!” Ashley stares down the father of her children.

  “I AM ready! Watch this…” Malu puts down his beer and puts on his shirt in one swift move. “See. TADA! Ready.” Ever the jokester, Malu smiles and flashes his eyebrows at his girlfriend.

  Ashley rolls her eyes and then smiles slightly. As much as he annoys her at times, she knows that his boyish charm is why she fell in love with him in the first place. “HURRY UP! Before you sleep on that damn couch tonight!” She threatens her boyfriend as she walks out to the car.

  “Oh, you better get going, boy!” Ashley’s dad says to Malu with a joking undertone. “Just like her maddah. FEISTY!”

  “Just how we like ‘em!” Malu comes back with. The two men share a laugh and shake hands to say goodbye. “K, Pop.” They’ve created a fun, friendly bond over the years and Malu knows that he couldn’t have asked for better In-Laws.

  Malu kisses his sleeping son, then exits through the kitchen kissing his daughter and Ashley’s mom on the way out. “Love you guys!” Malu throws up a shaka as he leaves the house.

  3. Scooby Snack

  - 3/4 oz Malibu Coconut Rum

  - 3/4 oz Midori Melon Liqueur

  - 1/2 oz Pineapple Juice

  *Shake and serve as a shot, then top with whipped cream

  Parker and Momi (pronounced MŌ-mee) walk hand-in-hand on their way to work. Passing an ice cream shop on the way, Momi lets go of her boyfriend’s hand and uses the big glass window pane to check herself out.

  While adjusting her boobs and fixing her hair, she notices a cute, white Yorkshire Terrier sitting on the inside of the window ledge. Conveniently placed next to its owner, the dog looks up at her through the glass. Momi starts to play with the dog from the outside, while Parker’s eyes are locked on the owner of the dog; a cute brunette with big tits.

  Completely unaware of Parker and Momi’s presence, the brunette sits alone working on her laptop. Her empty paper cup with a plastic spoon suggests that she has already finished her scoop of ice cream. Parker nudges Momi to stop playing mime with the puppy and direct her attention toward the owner’s chest puppies. Momi is intrigued.

  Parker is a Norwegian-type of tall with a strong swimmer’s build from playing water polo back in college. His light brown hair has streaks of blonde from the sun and his naturally fair skin is now bronzed from surfing for hours on end. His beautiful hazel eyes and long eyelashes make him a modeling agency’s dream.

  Momi is an average height female, with an above-average sized rack. She is part-Hawaiian and tanned like a golden goddess. Her hair is short, done up high into a fashionable punk rock pixie cut and her full lips leave nothing to the imagination. Women and men alike lust after these two and make people question their own sexual identity.

  Both beautiful and easy-going, these two are seen as the “It Couple” of O`ahu and have been together for a solid three years. When prompted with the eventual question: “How do you keep your relationship alive?” Their reply is always the same. “We’re honest, we communicate, and we fuck whoever we want.”

  Being the kind people that Parker and Momi are, they often help people explore and figure out their sexual orientation, either separately or together. They agree that an open-relationship, with open communication is what works best for them. Their mentality is, “If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it,” and three years later, they can attest to that. Their only rule is… no sex with close friends.

  The couple enter the ice cream shop and both give a flirtatious look toward the dog owner. The brunette notices their gaze, instantly realizes how beautiful they both are, then quickly looks back to her computer out of inferiority. The couple chuckle. The ground has been laid and their mission has officially begun.

  Parker and Momi head straight to the counter and order from a 19-year old boy who is obviously in awe of Momi.

  “Hi! Can I get a single scoop of the Raspberry Cheesecake Gelato please?” Momi asks kindly.

  “And can I get a double scoop of the Salted Caramel please? I like my ice cream like I like my women: Tanned and Salty, you know what I mean?” Parker jokes with the 19-year old boy. Momi slaps his arm playfully.

  Still in awe of Momi’s voluptuous body, the 19-year old boy swallows hard, trying to rid the lump in his throat. With only enough courage to shakily muster up the words “Uh, sure,” he scoops the correct flavors, but hands them the wrong cup. Quickly realizing his mistake, he tries to switch his hands, but his arms get tangled. “Uh, oops… sorry.”

  “No worries, babe,” Momi says with a smile. She takes her cup of gelato and winks at the 19-year old boy, before walking away.

  “They’re real.” Parker messes with the 19-year old, implying that Momi’s boobs aren’t implants. Parker pays for the tab and gestures for him to keep the change. Alright, back to business, Parker thinks to himself. Getting ice cream was just a cover for what they really came to do.

  While there are many empty tables, Momi has already strategically placed herself at the table right next to the dog owner. Parker joins her and sits at the table as well. Pretending nothing of it at first, they soon engage the brunette in small talk.

  “Your puppy is so cute,” Momi says to start the conversation.

  “Oh, thanks. He’s actually 6 years old,” the brunette says with a smile. She looks to the dog and says in a baby voice, “Not so much of a puppy anymore, are you my boy,” and pets under his chin.

  “You from around here?” Parker asks nosily.

  “Uh, yeah. I live a couple of blocks away.”

  “Oh cool, we’re bartenders at Violet, the gay club just around the corner from here.” Momi licks her spoon sexually. “Have you been?”

  “Oh, no. I’m not a lesb… I mean… I don’t usually…” The brunette trips over her words. Trying to imply that she’s not a lesbian without being offensive, she sighs and then continues nervously, “I’m kinda new in town and I don’t really have any friends to go with, so…” She starts to fe
el uncomfortable, but the attention of these two beautiful beings keep her present.

  “Well, now you know us, so you should swing by and we’ll hook you up,” Parker suggests. “You can even bring Mr…” he looks to the dog and waits to hear his name.

  “Casper. His name is Casper,” the brunette answers. “I’m Simone, by the way.”

  “Momi.”

  “Parker. Very nice to meet you,” Parker says with a smile.

  “Well, why don’t I give you my phone number, so you can text me when you get to the door tonight and we’ll get you in for free. Sound good?” Momi aggressively offers, then winks her signature wink.

  Without hesitation and before Simone can resist, Momi grabs Simone’s iPhone right off of her table. Before a full ten seconds have even passed, Momi manages to save her cell number into Simone’s phone. She’s obviously done this before.

  In a voice used to talk to babies, Parker says to Casper, “We’ll see you tonight, my Casper boy!” Casper licks his hand and smiles. “Oh see! You HAVE to come now. You’ll break Casper’s heart if you don’t come. You’ll break my heart too,” Parker playfully guilt-trips Simone.

  Momi smiles and hands Simone her phone. “We’ll see you tonight,” she says, then in a quick jolt, grabs Parker’s arm and drags him toward the exit.

  Parker gives Simone one last up-and-down look, smiles and then gets pulled out the door. Once outside and out of Simone’s view, the couple high-five each other and head to work. The seed has been planted.

  Simone sits at her table confused and weirdly aroused. Those are some really friendly bartenders, she thinks to herself, and fucking gorgeous too! She’s unsure of what exactly just happened, but she knows that she’s in no place to turn down new friends. She sits and contemplates her next move. Should I go? What am I talking about? Two strangers come up to me and say ‘come to this barely lit night club.’ Sounds like a scary movie waiting to happen. Two BEAUTIFUL strangers though… I mean… one drink wouldn’t hurt, right?